Know Thyself
Written over the entrance to the Ancient Temple at Delphi were words which could easily form the basis of modern trauma-recovery therapeutic interventions. Know Thyself. They are an exhortation to look first within our own character in order to understand our world.
Turning inwards to mindfully and compassionately acknowledge our strengths and vulnerabilities can enhance our wellbeing whilst we restore balance in our lives.
Conversely, beating ourselves up, blaming ourselves and focussing with distaste on all the ways in which we dislike and fail ourselves can be deeply counter-productive to healing.
As trauma or abuse survivors, our history of traumatic experiences makes us more likely to experience fear, anxiety, sleeplessness or panic, anger or irritability, or losing it completely and lashing out.
Or we can be prone to depression, hopelessness, powerlessness, fatigue, lethargy or feeling shut down and isolated from everybody and everything.
We can learn to be mindful of our own felt sense in the moment and attend to it with kindness, gentleness and care, rather than ignoring our own internal experience and stoically pushing forward whilst silently berating ourselves.
Does that last sentence ring any bells for you? Do you have a deep understanding of how to do that last thing? Beat yourself up? Devalue, belittle and blame yourself? Speak to yourself with a harsh inner voice you probably learnt from your own culture?
What we focus our mind on persists and grows. The benefits of training to shift the mind from anger and blame to kindness and gratitude need hardly be spelt out!
However, our human nervous systems functions in such a way that we can be triggered into any of the uncomfortable states mentioned above without any conscious awareness of what the trigger was.
The Theory of Mindfulness
This is why healing trauma is not a purely rational process. We can’t just ‘think’ our way out of the symptoms of trauma.
Ancient traditions teach us that training in mindfulness is a step-by-step process that begins with Mindfulness of The Body. This is where Tai Chi, Yoga, Qui Gong and other martial arts can support our recovery. Science now recognises that trauma is stored in the body (van der Kalk, 2014). We can learn to recognise subtle shifts in bodily sensations and attend to them with kindness.
From there, our mindfulness practice moves forward in stages:
1. Mindfulness of body.
2. Mindfulness of sensation – including emotional sensation.
3. Mindfulness of Mind – recognising our own thought processes and the stories we tell ourselves, and also learning not to believe everything we think!
4. Mindfulness of Worldly Phenomena – non-judgemental recognition of the forces that impact our lives.
When we cultivate positive mind-states, our tolerance for uncomfortable emotions and thoughts grows. As we develop a deep knowledge of ourselves, our bodies, thoughts, emotions, tendencies, habits, patterns, conditioning, biases, judgements, reactions, we are also developing the capacity to respond instead of react.
Our self-knowledge helps us to recognise when we are projecting onto others complaints that are actually complaints about ourselves. With the recognition that projection is a “thing”, we develop capacities for discernment and equanimity in the face of poor treatment by others.
Coming to know ourselves also helps us to come to know others. Listening deeply to ourselves gives us the skill to listen deeply to others.
These new skills come in very handy when we find the courage to start setting boundaries with people who continually disrespect or devalue us. Often, we are surprised by how much dirt we’ve come to tolerate from friends and family members over the years!
None of this growth is easy. There is no painless route out of trauma. But we can soften the blows of waking up to ourselves, others and the world with kindness, gentleness and self-compassion. We can find solace in the compassionate presence of another, the soothing voice of another.
We crave belonging and togetherness right down to the level of our human nervous systems.
May you find your self-compassion, and with it, your new tribe. 🙏🏻
© Nicki Paull
